Band of Brothers
Last week, I had the absolute privilege of spending a few days off the grid camping with a brilliant group of rockstars. I almost didn’t go, but Gemma basically forced me, recognising I needed it, and even watched all three ankle biters and the pup to make it possible as hubs was also away with work. She’s a legend.
My 48+ hours in nature was like a balm for my soul, for my own personal reset, and for Breaker.
Why was it so great you ask? (Gemma says, Caroline, no one’s asking!). I’m lucky to be part of a group of creative misfits and disruptors that often band together to discuss a myriad of things. The chat is rich, deep, and always held with care to understand the other’s perspective. Once a year or so, as part of their offering, there is a beautifully curated trip to the woods to recharge. By chance, the misfits that signed onto this particular trip were almost all men, a band of brothers. 14 to be specific, and two women, including me.
One of the topics discussed at length was around men’s mental health and discussions on how to get men more involved in groups/activities. Surprisingly, one consistent response was, reach out to the partners, the wives, to encourage their other halves to join in with something. So simple, but made a seismic shift in my thinking.
Did you know that suicide is one of the leading causes of death for middle aged men? For more info check out Samaritans.
For several months, Gemma and I have been discussing the role of men in The Breaker Collective; wrestling with the balance of supporting women which is an underserved market, while building up and loving boys who will become the men of the next generation.
This is a huge reason why we haven’t spoken or written much about men.
So, here goes. What about the men? Is this thing a female only group? Gemma and I, between us, have four sons. We’ve had husbands, lovers, friends, fathers, uncles, nephews. We love men. They are a part of us, a part of what makes us who we are.
We both feel the immense responsibility of ensuring our sons are decent humans. In the world of Adolescence and Andrew Tate, how do we navigate ensuring that our daughters believe they can do anything and move beyond the patriarchy (which I think at this point is an overused and in turn meaningless term) while also building a platform where our sons feel seen and heard, so they don’t turn to the radical to feel a part of a community. Uju Asika who wrote Raising Boys Who Do Better reflects on a podcast she heard with Jen Audrie where she stated:
“…I did kind of have a hardened heart towards men…I think that, since having my boys, it really helped me not just understand on a cerebral level, but also in my heart that the patriarchy is not men, it’s the systems…”- Jen Audrie
It’s not men, it’s the systems. This is, of course, a huge sweeping statement. But specific to us at Breaker, when Gemma and I reflect on why we started The Breaker Collective to begin with, it was to help women with the systems, with the desire to build better systems that help to ease the burdens that disproportionately, women carry. Childcare, mental and physical wellness, family, careers, personal identity.
“We’ve realised, that building better systems that work for women doesn’t mean that they won’t also help men as well. We believe that real power comes from holding both women and men. Not as contradictions but as truths that need each other. ”
We’ve realised, that building better systems that work for women doesn’t mean that they won’t also help men as well. We believe that real power comes from holding both women and men. Not as contradictions but as truths that need each other.
These days, there is seemingly so much more that divides us than brings us together. With every article I read or hear on the news, there is a consistent undertone of the divisive, what people, parties, countries disagree on. There’s fighting & discord. Separateness, while important for somethings, is not always the answer.
Being in the wilderness with 14 incredible male misfits (shoutout to my fellow woman misfit as well!) solidified this idea that Gemma and I have been mulling over. We can sharpen one another, grow from each other’s perspective, experience, understanding. And it can be beautiful and restorative.
So, we're building a new kind of club: a community designed to lighten your load.
A place where systems exist to make life easier. Here, we will embrace both strength and softness, ambition and rest, disruption and creation. We will work together to break down what no longer serves us and build what we need next.
For our daughters. For our sons. For all of us.
Interested? Join the list to find out more.
